I wish you could see how well you’re doing - I know that everything seems like it’ll never get better right now, but it will.
Everything happens for a reason. The heartbreak, the fall outs, the arguments. Something about each and every down day will make sense. You’re going to make mistakes for the rest of your life and that’s okay. Stop believing that your mistakes make you a terrible person, you’re only human. People will forgive you for your wrongs and you will forgive yourself.
You spend so much time hating yourself and trying to be better for others when you’re so brilliant just the way you are. People love you because of who you are – people are happy in your company. You’re always there to talk to people when they’re down. Your friends don’t hate you, that’s your anxiety shouting at you. You love them and they love you. They protect you, they look after you. Walk away from the people that make you feel bad about yourself, walk away from the people that ruin memories you should cherish, walk away from the people that can’t be happy for your success. Don’t worry about what others think because in the long run, you’ll regret losing the good friends to the bad.
Trust your instinct, he will cheat, he will hurt you, but it’s okay. You will find the strength to walk away. The fact that you were treated in such an awful way does not define you. He cheats because he’s insecure not because you’re not good enough. Don’t go settling because you don’t believe you’re worthy of love. Walk away. ALWAYS Put your family first – the boy you think will be around forever won’t be. Don’t worry, one day you won’t remember his last name, because you’ve found the one. But don’t you dare lose that time you could have had making memories with your Nephews. Don’t pass up the opportunity to shop with your sisters. Stop complaining about your Parents. Every single one of them want the best for you because they adore you. You’re not going to get these days back, spend them with the people that love you and always will.
STOP WITH THE PRESSURE. Don’t listen to your Tutors, University can wait. Make sure this is what you want, get some life experience. Learn to drive, save your money. No exam is worth not eating for. Your grades do not define you, work hard but know that you won’t always pass everything with the best marks. Trust that not all those subjects are important. Your teachers aren’t always right, There are some subjects you’ll never need again. Take subjects and options that are important to you and not ones they convince you are more important. That reminds me, drop Computing immediately.
Stop comparing yourself to other girls. The minute you start this – it won’t end. You are good enough, the way you are is perfect. The figure you make yourself Ill to change is a figure others would love – I know I would now. You’re perfect. Know that people love you for your sense of humour, your compassion, the way you put others first. You know you’d never hurt anyone deliberately and so believe that you are a good person. The people that put you down are going absolutely no where so stop believing their invalid opinions.
Be confident. I know you’ve made a start but take that confidence and times it by 100. Go into every situation with a positive attitude and smile – you’ll thank me for this. Listen to your Mum. I don’t think I need to elaborate on this any further, everything she says is right so stop ignoring her advice.
Cherish those road trips, remember those days at the park talking crap, even laugh at the time your ankle got stuck in the basket swing and you were carried home. Keep listening to music, keep singing. Those songs will take you back one day – to the best days. Draw, just draw. I know you haven’t really thought of doing this yet but just do it, okay! You’ll never know how special those small memories were, you’ll never know how essential those hobbies will become. You’ll never believe how happy you were until it’s all over and those days are gone.
You’ve been stressed your entire life, stop it. Go to the counsellor, go to the doctor. Look after your Mental Health, you’re not crazy; don’t let anyone tell you that you are. These awful experiences you’re going through are happening for a reason – you’ll do a lot of good with them one day, you’ll help others. You’re battling a war every day, you’re fucking brilliant.
Gabi, things are going to get easier and then they’ll get hard again but know that every terrible day you’ve faced up to now you have overcome and you’ll continue to do so. You’re going to travel, you’re going to get on a long haul flight on your own. YEP you fly to America ON YOUR OWN. You’re going to get brilliant grades, you’re going to go on to do a degree you love. You’re going to do some brilliant things and overcome fears you never thought you could. But know, you’re going to get through it.
Lots of love